I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
