Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I had to cum in my sink.
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