I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
