Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
