so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize