we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
