i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
