I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
