A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
whose parrot is this?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
