Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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