how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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