so explain again why im purple
no
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
