so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
