We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
