I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
