so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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