i already hear my dad disowning me
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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