So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Help me help you realize you are a moron
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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