I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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