hell yes lets make some ravioli
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
