I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
wow bdsm is so cute
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