we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
