Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
