it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
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