so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
