no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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