I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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