Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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