i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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