You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
