This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm passing your future prison.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
