I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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