you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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