my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
