Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
