Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
