i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i think my mom watched the whole time
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
