mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize