I skipped work to stalk him.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
foreskin is a definite game changer
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
