I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I will be naked everywhere
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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