just survived the first fart of the relationship.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
