Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
