This girl is more easily done than said...
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
