Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm at about main and main street
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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