at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
