apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
