My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
