She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
