took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
