My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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