Just fell off a train. Bad.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
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