I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
