I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
