The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
