sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
