we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
