jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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