matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm lost and stupid without you.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
