Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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