Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
