i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
