I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
