hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
