you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
