How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Randomize
