her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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