Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
