Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
