I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
