I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I am available for nakedness
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
