The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
my sisters under your porch take her home
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
