Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
