this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Be still, my beating vagina.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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