i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
