Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
