i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
