Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
