Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
3 2 1 whiskey
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
