Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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