i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
