honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
