Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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