We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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