sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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