my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
