just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
